| Guhhhh |
[Jan. 5th, 2007|04:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  misplaced | ] |
The days are closing in...
the bad news has sunk in but now I'm dreading when it comes.
I won't even know when it's here.
That's the worst part.
I won't even know when.
I'll have no sort of warning.
I'm scared.
Ahh...
WTF |
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| It's all Leaving |
[Dec. 3rd, 2006|06:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | It's Not Over by Chris Daughtry | ] |
I stayed alive for one thing. Because I found happiness somewhere.
But soon that will all be gone.
My Heaven, my escape, my EVERYTHINg is being taken away from me.
It's not a person, but a place that I absolutely love everything about.
I love going there
I love the people there
I love being there.
Now, I've found out that soon I can no longer be there.
Due to a family fallout, Going there would be betraying the family.
But it shouldn't affect me at all.
I had nothing to do with it.
I'll miss everyone there.
I'll miss everything about it.
Now that my only found happiness is gone... what can i do?
There's no point to life.
And I say that from the deepest layer of my heart.
I've never been more sad and dismal. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2006|12:38 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ashley Parker Angel- Let You Go | ] |
Tonight was a shitty night, I was ditched numerous times, followed while driving by some shady car, and considered dying in my miserable hole of a life.
Something needs to change. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2006|04:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | afraid | ] |
There is something Wrong with me.
It's There...
and I'm deathly afraid of how it will affect my future.
I'll never be normal.
I'll never be happy.
I'll never be Alright.
I get it. |
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| Painful |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|04:59 pm] |
Okay, gross.
i feel disgusting.
i made out with this guy, and now im looking back on it and regretting it soo much.
The thing is, I'm not that kind of person
and now he wont leave me alone.
Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me Kill me
I couldn't eat or sleep all today or yesterday. I cried all night feeling disgusted with myself and couldn't stop twitching.
I was FINALLY able to close my eyes around 3:30 when i then woke up at 4:45 in PAIN. LITERALLY IN PAIN. My stomach was killing, I think its stress because its like a knife inside of me.
So at 4:45, I watched the clock change until it said 6:00, where i got up to shower and go to school.
I scrubbed and scrubbed...
But I don't think it helped.
Now what can i tell him?
It's taken over my mind. I'm mentally ill right now, I can't think straight or about normal shit.
Someone help me. |
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| Betrayed |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|04:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | and Betrayed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bad Day- Fuel | ] |
I had a secret. And I told the ONE person I thought I could trust. I told her not to tell anyone, for fear of being rejected in friendship by others.
She told. She told my friend, who I specifically asked her not to tell. She did it without a second thought, and didn't feel bad until I found out. Then she suddenly feels bad about it. I'm not falling for it.
I know she's reading this, so this is for her:
I TRUSTED you, and you betrayed me. I told you EVERYthing. You lied to me, and I honestly think you dont care about my personal life. I don't know if all you want is some juicy gossip to talk about, but this was serious. You did exactly what I told you not to. I'm sorry, but I can't trust you anymore. I don't know if you're sad or not, but you hurt me more than I hurt you. Because I was betrayed by the one person I could tell everything to. |
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| Blah |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|09:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
So Homecoming is coming up, and once again I'm not going. Anyone that I had my eye on that i wouldn't have minded to ask me ended up asking someone else. i'm really great friends with one of them, but I think that's the problem. We're in the "friend" zone, and I can't break out of it. He talks to me about the girls he might ask to hc too. It's pretty painful but I smile just the same. He thinks I'm the nicest person he's ever met. When he told me that I wanted to scream. Of course he goes and asks someone else anyway.
Then this other guy asked my friend. But now I've gotten to know him better and he talks ot me a lot more. He even calls me sometimes and we talk for a little bit. I have to be careful though, because I wouldn't want there to be a chance of stealing him from my friend. That would be awful, even if she doesn't really like him. Hm... makes you think.
I put on a smile in school and at home, but there is something wrong with me. When I get home, I sleep and sleep like there's no tomorrow. Then at night when I can't sleep anymore, I stare at the moon, and sometimes shed a tear. Well lately it's not sometimes, it's all the time. Like, every night. But it's just a phase, right? I don't think I'm depressed, but how do you know? I'm not suicidal... just sad. I need some excitement to pull me out of this funk.
But where is it? |
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| Life |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|04:19 pm] |
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How funny is life? Why is it that some people have it made while others are always left out in the dumps? is it a mental thing? like your self esteem is so low that all you notice is the bad things that happen? Or is it really that this is the way life is? My life is full of questions and there are no answers. All I know is that everything good in my life disappears before I can really enjoy it. I don't know if it's the weather, but today... I feel really down. I wish someone would notice. I wish someone could be there for me. I wish that my amazing friend that I love isn't moving away. I have so many wishes, but there's no one to grant them, or even listen to them. |
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| Kinda sad |
[Sep. 17th, 2006|12:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
So the one guy that actually made me laugh and smile is leaving. He's moving half way across the country and i hate it. I swear, everything good in my life eventually falls apart and is snatched out of my grip like it wasn't meant to be. What can i do now? How can i go through the day knowing that he won't be there at the end of the week to tell me his stories and jokes and laugh with me about life. My gut is wrenched and I feel physically sick. He's leaving in a little over a month. I can't stand knowing that it's coming. It's so soon. I will probably cry when he leaves... but I don't want him to know I'm that down about it. it will only make things sadder. |
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abandoned_byhim's journal
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